Kurogane's Nightmare
by pikaree1
Summary: Ever wondered what Kurogane's nightmare would be? Well, with the Kurogane-look-alike-who-acts-like-Sorata-and-uses-Fai's-stupid-nicknames married to the Fai-look-alike-who-is-apparently-female and the Mokona-look-alike-who-is-a-video-game-geek, the violent-Syaoran-look-alike, and the nerdy-Sakura-look-alike as their kids, you won't have to look far... ONESHOT!


**Petal: Here I am, making my debut in the Tsubasa fandom with a torture-fic about everyone's favorite violent ninja- Kuro-chan!  
**

 **Silver (from Pokemon Special) & Bierrez (from Dragon Knights): *pat Kurogane on the back sympathetically* We pity you, man. We share your pain. Welcome to the club.  
**

 **Kurogane: ?! What're you talking about?!**

 **Petal: Those two also get tortured by me. Ohohoho~ This'll be fun~  
**

 **Kurogane: *thinks* _That's Princess Tomoyo's 'I'm-gonna-torture-Kurogane-now' laugh..._**

 **Petal: I don't own Tsubasa, but it's fun to poke fun at Kuro-tan! Ya know those plot bunnies that you think are pure genius and you write them instead of updating your actual stories? That's what this thing is. And Kuro-sama? No cursing!**

Mokona was transporting everyone to the next world. Kurogane landed with a _THUMP_.

Someone beneath him let out an "Aaah!"

Kurogane got off the person. Then he glared at him. "Get up, mage. We have to go find the kid, the princess, and the white manju."

The blonde man blinked. "Dear, what are you doing in those clothes? And why are you glaring at me? And... YOU BETTER NOT HAVE LEFT THE KIDS WITHOUT A BABYSITTER!"

It was Kurogane's turn to blink. "What are you talking about, idiot? You hit your head or somethin'? And... ... ... ... ... DON'T CALL ME DEAR!" Kurogane drew his sword (he had managed to make Mokona give it to him before their departure. Bribery is suspected to be at work there) and tensed his legs, prepared to have to chase his bestest-friend-in-the-world-even-though-he'd-never-admit-it around to land a hit.

To his surprise, Fai started crying. "D-Dear, what's gotten into you?! Did I do something to upset you?! I'm sorry, alright?! I'm s-sorry!"

Kurogane was confused. Completely, utterly confused. He made a mental list of his confusion. 1) The idiot wasn't laughing, 2) he wasn't poking more fun, 3) he was _crying_ , 4) he was wearing a _skirt_ , and 5) his voice was higher than usual. In fact, if Kurogane didn't know better, he'd say Fai sounded like a girl.

While he was pondering all this, he noticed Fai had started picking up groceries. Now, he knew that there wouldn't have been enough time for Fai to have gone shopping even if he had landed in a grocery store, so they had probably landed in different times. If that was the case, then in that time, Fai's personality had changed, and he'd started crossdressing. Now Kurogane was not only confused, but terribly disturbed. What could have brought on such a change.

"Honey, what's wrong?! Is that man bothering you?!"

...AND FAI GOT MARRIED?! WHAT?! Kurogane's brain: CANNOT COMPUTE.

He turned around to see who shouted...

...and saw a mirror image of himself. Well, himself in a business suit. Kurogane's brain: CANNOT COMPUTE. OVERLOAD. BOOM.

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!" In his shock, he even allowed his carbon copy to land a punch in the gut- even across worlds he was strong; that knowledge was satisfying- and was knocked out.

* * *

"Urgh..." With some difficulty, Kurogane managed to sit up. He was still feeling dizzy from everything that had happened earlier. He saw Fai sitting at a table, back to him, with a cup of tea and Mokona. "Hey, wizard, I just had this crazy dream where you were a girl and married to my carbon copy and-"

Fai turned around. Fai smiled. "Oh, you're awake. I'm sorry about the mix-up earlier; you just look so much like my husband..."

"You mean that wasn't just some nightmare?!" Kurogane demanded. He was half-expecting Fai to say, 'Of course not, Kuro-pippi!' to jokingly continue the whole farce. He was disappointed by the lack of the joking nickname.

"I'm afraid not, sir. Who are you, by the way?"

Kurogane's eye was twitching. It was twitching a lot. "I'm Kurogane," he muttered, watching the Fai look-alike warily.

The Fai-look-alike-who-was-apparently-female smiled. "Why, that's the same name as my husband! My name is Fai. It's nice to meet you." He- no, _she_ \- turned to a doorway. "Dear! Our guest is awake!"

The Kurogane look-alike poked his head into the room. "Ah, so I see. My name's Kurogane, just like yours! Isn't that cool?! And you've met my wife." He clamped his hands on Kurogane's shoulders. "And hey- just 'cause you look like me doesn't mean you can have her, you know? My honey's mine!"

Kurogane's eye twitch increased in frequency. Okay... so it was his look-alike that acted exactly like Sorata from the Hanshin Republic. Poor, poor Kuro-neko-meow-meow.

The Kurogane-look-alike-who-acted-like-Sorata smiled. "We good? Good! Now to introduce our children! MOKONA! SYAORAN! SAKURA!"

Kuro-rin would've gotten suspicious right now if it weren't for the Kurogane-look-alike-who-acted-like-Sorata. Actually, no. That just made it more suspicious. Unfortunately, he couldn't very well shake the Fai-look-alike-who-was-apparently-female by the collar demanding answers. Actually, he could, but it would be very embarrassing if the Fai-look-alike-who-was-apparently-female really _was_ just a Fai-look-alike-who-was-apparently-female.

Three children pattered in. Well, two children and a white manju.

 _Now_ Kurogane grabbed the Fai-look-alike-who-was-apparently-female demanding answers. "Hey! What kind of game are you playing at, wizard?!"

He expected a 'Why, whatever do you mean, Kuro-chi?' Instead, he got a punch in the face. Never one to turn down a fight, he smirked at the Kurogane-look-alike-who-acted-like-Sorata. "Remember, you started it!" Then he launched himself at the Kurogane-look-alike-who-acted-like-Sorata, spoiling for a good fistfight.

Unfortunately, his fun was cut short when the Fai-look-alike-who-was-apparently-female grabbed the Kurogane-look-alike-who-acted-like-Sorata. "Wait, dear! Not in front of the children!"

She gestured towards the Mokona-look-alike, the Syaoran-look-alike, and the Sakura-kook-alike.

"Mokona doesn't care... Mokona's going to go play video games..." mumbled the Mokona-look-alike-who-was-a-video-game-geek.

"I wanna fight, too! Lemme fight!" demanded the violent-Syaoran-look-alike.

"I am going to go study," said the nerdy-Sakura-look-alike.

Kurogane was now totally at a loss. Mokona was not capable of being solemn while Kurogane was being put through torture. Syaoran was too honest to pretend to be violent. And Sakura... Well, Sakura just tended to stick with people instead of going off on her own.

"Fine, you've convinced me," Kuro-wan-wan grumbled. "Where the-

*censored*

"-am I, anyway?"

"You're in the Country of Crye!" the Fai-look-alike-who-was-apparently-female said cheerily. "You'll never find happier people than in Crye!" The Fai-look-alike-who-was-apparently-female and the Kurogane-look-alike-who-acted-like-Sorata linked arms. "We're as happy as a couple can be!" they said in unison.

Kurogane was to busy barfing out the nearest window to answer them. "When I find the wizard, I'm gonna kill 'im," he promised himself. "And the white manju, too, while I'm at it..."

"Er... Kurogane-san?" the Fai-look-alike-who-was-apparently-female asked. "Are you feeling sick?"

"Yeah, sick of that stupid wizard's antics," Kurogane mumbled. "Hey, if you encounter someone who looks like you or your, er, 'kids', tell me, okay?" His scowl was as prominent as ever. "I need to get out of here for what little sanity I have left..."

"Alright!" the Kurogane-look-alike-who-acted-like-Sorata cheered. "Now that that's over and done with, let's play twenty questions, Kuro-chi!"

Kurogane made a mental correction: the Kurogane-look-alike-who-acted-like-Sorata-and-used-Fai's-stupid-nicknames.

"Are you married to your world's Fai?"

"Are you sure you want to die?"

"...Are Mokona, Syaoran, and Sakura your kids in your world?"

"Are you _sure_ you want to die?" _SHING_ went his sword.

"...Are Mokona, Syaoran, and Sakura the kids of your world's Fai?"

"No."

"Um, um! What's your job!"

"I used to be a ninja." _SHING_ went his sword again.

"Do you like people?"

"About as much as I like the wizard."

"And how much do you like 'the wizard'?"

"I wanna punch him every time I'm forced to interact with him."

"So you don't like people?"

"OF COURSE I DON'T, YOU IDIOT!" _SHA-SHING!_ went Kurogane's sword.

"Er... Right... I think we should stop the game now..."

Kurogane was disappointed. He had wanted to fight the Kurogane-look-alike-who-acted-like-Sorata-and-use-Fai's-stupid-nicknames.

* * *

The next morning, the Fai-look-alike-who-was-apparently-female said, "I found your family!"

Kurogane had a sinking feeling when she said those words.

"Hi, Kuro-sama!" Fai said cheerfully. "We made it!"

"Hello, Kurogane-san," Syaoran said nervously. He was afraid of how the ninja would react to the word 'family'.

"And here I thought you said that you weren't married to your world's Fai, Kuro-pin!" the Kurogane-look-alike-who-acted-like-sSorata-and-used-Fai's-stupid-nicknames exclaimed brightly.

"THAT'S IT! EVERYBODY DIES!"

* * *

Kurogane was still yelling when he woke up. _'What a nightmare_ ,' he thought.

"Kuro-chan! I made breakfast for you!" the real Fai said cheerily.

"DIE!"

 **Petal: Tsk, tsk! Kuro-chan-wan-wan is so violent!**

 **Fai: I agree! Right, Mokona?  
**

 **Mokona: Yeah!**

 **Petal: Ha ha. Review or-**

 **Kurogane: *chases Fai & Mokona around with his sword* DIE!**


End file.
